|RAGING HORMONES MENOPAUSAL PROZAC BARBIE BAC1
|Item # 866419376
|Seller assumes all responsibility for listing this item. You should
contact the seller to resolve any questions before bidding. Auction
currency is U.S. dollars ( US $ ) unless otherwise noted.
RAGING HORMONES MENOPAUSAL PROZAC
really think Barbie dolls were simply loved to the end of their days?
you think that the somewhat disheveled Barbies lining the shelves of the
Goodwill found homes with sweet little girls who looked beyond the
home-hair-cut-frizzy coif, fingers and toes lost to rambunctious kittens or
puppies and their frayed clothing, all to find a doll to care for and spend
countless hours playing with?
Think again, folks....
You thought when you tucked her away to give
to your child years from now that she would simply lie there like a rug, waiting
for another generation to abuse her...
Well she didn't...
sick of being encased in plastic (not to mention that she was starting to
suffocate), and while you grew up, married, and kept her packed away for those
children of yours, Barbie had a life too!
That's right, she used those
perfectly manicured fingernails and busted out.
She hopped from job to
job...was a doctor, dentist, teacher, veterinarian, NASCAR driver, basketball
player, and even a princess!
But her life just didn't seem complete until
she met Ken...
a whirlwind courtship, the two were married amid a sea of friends and
Barbie's life was perfect beyond her wildest dreams. She
and Ken had a penthouse apartment in the city, where they frequently hosted chic
celebrity parties, as well as a home in the country to get away from it
2.5 children quickly became reality and then some, when Barbie gave birth to
was bliss for Barbie, Ken and the children.
that bliss quickly came to an end one tragic afternoon, when Barbie came home
from a day at the spa with her girlfriends. Ken informed Barbie that he had some
news for her...
She panicked...were those late nights at the
office really for work? What about all of those business trips? Maybe he was
dying of some horrific disease...
in fear, with tears streaming down her face, she asked Ken what was
He told Barbie the truth...their marriage was a sham...an attempt
by him to fit in at the law firm he worked for...he needed the perfect wife and
the perfect little family to become a partner, and now that he made it, he could
hide his true self no longer...
revealed that he was a woman trapped in a man's body, and would be leaving for
Switzerland for a sex-change operation (though, according to my own recollection
of Ken dolls, the operation couldn't have made a drastic difference).
Barbie was devastated (it didn't help that Ken looked much better in
that dress than she ever did). At first, Barbie went wild...she picked up
strange men at the Piggly Wiggly while she was out riding the motorcycle she
blew the divorce settlement on.
alone, a despondent Barbie hit rock-bottom...realizing her life had become
nothing but a string of one-night stands, meaningless liasons with men she found
on street corners and in the meat department of the grocery store, she sank into
a deep depression. At her lowest moment, Barbie attempted suicide, but was
unsuccessful in her effort.
Barbie let herself go...no longer able to fit into her spandex exercise
pants, she skipped her workouts and aerobics classes altogether.
raided the refrigerator until the only thing left in it was a three year old box
of baking soda...and then she ate that too!
It's been years
since Ken left (he is now known as Kenita and works as a beauty rep for a major
cosmetics organization) and Barbie has hit her 40's...the ravages of time, early
menopause and her lifestyle have caught up with her.
now here is your chance to own this extremely collectible, extremely limited
edition "Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie." You won't find this beauty
in stores anywhere!
Do you need a perfect gift for that hard-to-buy-for
person on your list? What says "I love you and your many moods...I understand
your body is undergoing normal physical changes right now and I will be a
compassionate partner to you during this time in your life please don't kill
me," better than this doll?
Features you or that special someone on your
gift list will enjoy with your "Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie" -
This Barbie would be the perfect addition to any home...or
- Black-rooted hair that hasn't been brushed or styled in 18 years - have
fun with your friends locating the three hairbrushes, two combs and other
treasures anchored in that glorious mane with two cans of Aqua Net!
- Bask in the warm glow of Barbie's hot flash-flushed face!
- Gaze into Barbie's Prozac-glazed eyes while admiring her over-collagened
lips - complete with cigarette dangling from her mouth and stray facial hair!
Please note that Barbie lost her eyebrows in a bizarre bacon-frying accident
back in '92
- See the effects a diet of Twinkies and beer has had on Barbie's posterior
region! Adorable cellulite dimples on a creamy alabaster background - what
more could you ask for!
- Between the raging hormones and the fact that Barbie hasn't waxed or
shaved in a few years, you will marvel at the silky softness of the hair
covering Barbie's legs, armpits and across the tops of her toes!
- Barbie's action fashion outfit of stretched-all-to-heck panties and
matching tube top covering her rather flatish chest - her implants slid to her
butt years ago!
- Your special, limited edition, signed, and numbered 1-in-a-series-of-1
doll will also include Barbie's mug of beer, a bottle of Prozac, and a box of
Hamburger Helper - all the fixins' for a romantic dinner at home!
- Barbie will be coated in a protective sealer to last for years and years!
She is certain to become a much-coveted heirloom!
- Fabulous Walmart all-metal dollstand to display your doll with pride
though Barbie's rear-end also makes it possible to simply lean her against a
wall and she balances quite well!
Stand her on your desk and feel good about yourself on even the
worst of days! Take her out to the bars and clubs - your days of being the
"pretty one's friend" are officially over when you are with Raging
Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie!
Place your bid now and own this one of
a kind piece of art that will be sure to have you thinking (Please note:
Author/"artist" can not guarantee what you will be thinking
Priority Mail shipping, handling and delivery confirmation will
be $4.50 for this fabulous doll! C'mon...you know you've got to
have it and you will want it in two to three days!!
to ship each day Monday through Thursday, but am flexible if you are in a
situation where you really, really, really, gotta-have-it-now, going to die
without it and can often manage to get to the post office on Friday and
Saturday as well. Global Priority Rates are also available.
swell, money orders are wonderful too and checks of the non-rubber type are also
Please feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org for rates,
questions and comments!
Best of luck to
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Absolutely zero animals and only one human were harmed in the
production of this listing (I glued my fingers together a couple of times, but
should be alright after a couple of martinis). While the doll shown above is a
genuine Barbie, not all parts are from the same doll...Barbie suffered severe
arm-meltage while having her buttocks baked in the oven and they were replaced
with another Barbie-like doll's arms. To all Barbie Doll Lovers - I did not
maliciously deface, bend, fold, spindle or mutilate her...believe it or not, she
looks better now than than when I found her! I love Barbie! I have my own
collection...please do not send me email calling me Satan spawn. If you are
looking for an action figure, this is NOT it - this gal hasn't seen any action
in years and between the buttocks addition and the arm melting incident, Barbie
has been glued to keep her together. Clothing has been glued on to give Barbie a
little modesty, please do not purchase if you merely want to take off her outfit
and sneak a peek at her goodies. Additional dolls, clothing and accessories
pictured are not included. Some dolls identities' have been masked to protect
their privacy. All text and pictures are the property of me, please do not use
without permission unless you wish to make me cry. Some of the money from this
auction will go toward the rehabilitation and restoration of other homeless
Barbies, the rest will be used to purchase Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice
cream - if I could fill my bathtub with the stuff, I would dive right in! Thank
you for your time, now please BID! SAVE A BARBIE!! What are you waiting for?
HURRY! Do it now before you forget!!
A note to my regular, and my
sometimes irregular customers who already know I am a little nuts: I am
participating in a contest (the BAC1 AKA The Bizarre Auction Challenge 1) and
will have my usual fare listed Thursday evening! Not that you wouldn't want to
have your very own Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie, but just in case
you were wondering if I went waaaaay off the deep end - I haven't...not
yet...but then again, do you think it is a problem if I actually hear Barbie
speaking to me?
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